She does not deserve to be pregnant

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Well, that is the final nail in the coffin – that is the salt being rubbed viciously into the womb. I just ran into the most evil evil woman I have ever known. She is the only woman I ever used the word bitch to describe. And she is the only person I ever felt complete and utter disgust for. That woman made her dying mother believe her own son disliked her so that she could get him written out of the will and she could get every cent for herself. To do that to a dying woman is evil. And that is just one of the many evil things she has done.  But this evil woman, whom I just ran into, is 5 months pregnant!

Can you imagine this? Can you? She has been blessed with a pregnancy but I cannot be? I know it is wrong to dislike someone so much or believe that they don’t deserve happiness. After all who am I to judge that. But this infertility does that you. I also never envy other people or think about what they have, except where a baby is concerned. I hate the person that this infertility has made me. But more than that, I hate that I am doing all the right things and I am being a good person but I cant get pregnant.

I hate that she has gotten pregnant. I hate it. I feel hurt by it. I feel like it really does not pay to be a good person. She is evil. She has committed such awful deeds in her life. It is so unfair. What is the point of being a good person then? I have struggled so hard and still struggle to do that right thing all the thing. Yet, she gets the reward I ache for. What kind of world is this? 

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This entry was posted on Saturday, December 16th, 2006 at 3:23 pm and is filed under Fertility . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.