Still not pregnant – another period
to Getpregnantblog.com 
.
This time for the first time in my 5 years of trying to get pregnant my period came without fanfare. I spent little time wondering if I could be pregnant this month, and noted it’s arrival with almost fatalistic non-reaction. This is the second month after the HSG – I guess it did not work. I wonder if it did not cause more scar tissue to form around the cervix making it even more difficult for the sperm to get up there.
I am becoming very cynical about my ability to get pregnant. Once again there is a new batch of pregnant women at my office. Women whom I did not even know were in relationships. There is one woman whose social skills are so poor that I did not even think she could have a relationship, yet she is pregnant. Apparently getting pregnant takes no special skill – which makes me a complete and total failure. I can’t even achieve a state that takes no skill at all.
As you can tell, I am very depressed about not being able to get pregnant. I can’t help but feel like a failure. How can I be a woman and not perform the most basic primary function of womanhood – the function that women have been doing ever since the beginning of mankind. The function without which there would be no mankind at all. Imagine it, every single person who is on the earth is here as a result of a woman being pregnant. That is 6.something billion pregnancies. Yet not me. I feel victimised. I feel singled out to be infertile and traumatised.
Sometimes I just want to scream that all I am asking for is the most common action of mankind – to procreate. Animals do it successfully for god’s sake! I am not making some insane unusual request – I am not asking to fly to Mars or discover a cure for cancer or to get billions of dollars. I just want to have my fiance’s baby. I just want to wake up one day, realise that my period is late, take a pregnancy test and rejoice that I am pregnant. Is that really so much to ask for?
It hurts so much that I am starting to wish that I could stop wanting to be pregnant. People keep saying to pray but I have lost all faith in God. After five years of trying and hoping and wishing and seeing others, so much less deserving than I, get what I am working so hard for, my faith has all but disappeared. If there is a God, then he does not like me at all. All I want is to for my husband-to-be and I have to family. That’s all.
“Life’s a bitch, and then you die.”
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5 Comments »
December 8th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I totally loved your whole blog. This is exactly what I have been waiting for. i am not totally under the asumption that I am unable to have kids, but my fiance and I have been thinking about it for a while, and just kinda surprised he hasn’t just happen yet. i guess we don’t want to start “trying” for the fear of failure. I i think your vitamin plan would be beneficial because it can help with acne, as well as give us better chances of pregnancy. So I will try some of your suggestions. Thanks and God bless you.
February 18th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
hi this my first time taking vitex after trying to get pregnant for 3 years i take for 15 days and i get pregnant pregnant i only thank my GOD without our GOD I dont what will i doiam so happy i wish every one the best and GOD love
February 5th, 2010 at 4:39 am
Awesome I love a few of the articles that have been written, and especially the comments posted! I will come back!
April 29th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Superb post,I just subscribed to your rss feed.
May 26th, 2010 at 7:12 am
If you want to get pregnant, why are you being so arrogant and rude against people that are, saying they have no social skills is pretty low what are you going to teach your child when you eventually have one, that if you dont think they are good enough than that person is below you. quite frankly if you are thinking that way and prepared to post that publically do you really think you should be bringing a child into the world??? Children need love, care and support not shown how to put people down at any chance they get maybe rethink your options first, before dismissing someone else.