IUI results

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“Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself… ‘How did I get through all of that?’”

Well, those were the longest most exciting two weeks of my life. I rested, ate well, and wondered if every twinge was a symptom. Ironically I had almost no signs that I could think might be symptoms. In my wisdom and deep certainty that this was the month, I took my lack of symptoms as a symptom that things were working. After all, in most months gone by I had a gazillion ‘symptoms’. Hubby and I thought about names for our twin girls – we had decided that the two eggs would each translate into baby girls.

At 10 days past the insemination (10 dpiui) I could bear it no more and decided to test, supposedly to make sure the HCG from the trigger shot was out of my system. The negative pregnancy test confirmed that it was out.

At 14 dpiui there was no sign of my usual PMS – dare I hope? Of to the pharmacy to buy several pregnancy tests – just in case. The next day I tested again. I watched that stick the entire 5 minutes – I never thought I could become so enthralled by my own pee. But nothing. Where was my second line?

Well at least my period was late – it was NEVER late. I began researching – discovered that clomid can sometimes delay the period. But still, I just knew I was pregnant. 16dpiui – tested again, and still nothing. More research – this time into folks who did not get a positive test until months into the pregnancy and some who never got a positive pregnancy test despite delivering a healthy baby! Surely that might be me?

I resolved that I would wait two more days and then surely I would get my positive. I was officially obsessed at this point. Hubby was worried about my emotional state – he did not want me testing so often. Neither did my mom – wait a couple weeks she suggested. A couple weeks! That would be torture surely. I knew she did not understand because she had produced children almost without effort. The spectre of infertility never touched any of the women in her generation – she simply could not empathize with the eagerness and anxiety I was experiencing.

I woke the next day to a spot. No! then nothing for the rest of the day. My hopes burgeoning full bloom again. But it was not to be. During the night, it came on full. Tomorrow I will share my meltdown with you.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, August 21st, 2008 at 6:37 pm and is filed under Fertility . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.