My emotional meltdown over the failed IUI
to Getpregnantblog.com 
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“It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated…it is finished when it surrenders.”
Well the full red flow did what the negative pregnancy tests could not do – convinced me that I was not pregnant. The disappointment was indescribable – everything had been perfect – the eggs, the lining, the insemination, hubby’s sample – everything. How could it have failed! I began to meltdown – I cried and cried and cried into hubby’s shoulder. I was inconsolable.
And for the first time in this journey I saw hubby deeply disappointed. Up until now, having baby had been my deep desire that he went along with, but suddenly I realized he wanted it too. And instead of giving me hope, this made me feel even more of a failure. My husband wanted progeny – what if I could never give them to him? Would he hate me? Worse, how would I live with myself knowing that my useless body was denying him his heart’s desire.
Oh, the agony of infertility – you just don’t know until you have lived it. Wanting to put it behind us, he suggested that we wait a while to try again, especially as our finances could not support it.
I tore into him – accusing him of not caring about me and my wants. I was totally irrational. We argued for two days straight. It was horrible. Then I returned to my senses, realized he was right about our bank account. And more importantly, that he knew we could not handle this disappointment again anytime soon. It was clear that we need to back off and recover from this crushing defeat.
About this time, my sister who is older (44) and also suffering infertility had been trying to convince me to try Traditional Chinese Medicine, as she is.
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