The frustration of not being able to get pregnant…no matter what I do!
to Getpregnantblog.com Yes I know I will get pregnant at the perfect time and in the perfect situation because whenever it happens will be the perfect time and perfect situation. But I so wish that it were now. There was a time when I resented that drug addicts and twelve year old girls would get pregnant but now it is about women like me. Women who struggle to get pregnant and have a family like me. They take their clomid and they get pregnant. They go on vacation and they get their miracle. They have sex standing on their head and get pregnant. They drink grapefruit juice and take supplements and they get their miracle. They take it easy and they get pregnant. They never give up hope and they get their miracle. They do acupuncture and take awful tasting herbal teas and they get pregnant. They restrict their diet and they get pregnant.
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What about me? When do I get my miracle? I do or have done all these things – religiously almost. If I was any more relaxed than when I went on vacation then I would be comatose. I want my miracle too. IT happens for them – they struggle and they lose hope and they try everything. And they cry and think it will never happen and they have wasted more money and more effort and tortured their body and twisted their lifestyles out of all recognition and finally, finally, they get that positive pregnancy test. They get that yes. They get the joy of the ultrasound. They get to see their bellies swelling and feel that baby kicking inside them. They get that excitement and that thrill and that love.
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When is it my turn?
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God knows, in seven years I have been through it all and more. And I am so ready for the good part now. I am so ready to feel justified in my efforts. I am so ready to have my miracle. I am so ready to bring our bambino into the world. Our bambinos even. I know it will happen. I know it is happening and that my body is doing what it needs to be doing to have healthy babies. I know it. I am just so impatient. I am just so tired of waiting. So tired of it. I am so ready. I wish that it would happen already. I wish that I would get my positive pregnancy test and that I could finally hold my baby in my arms.
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