Adoption?
to Getpregnantblog.com 
.
I am so conflicted when it comes to adoption. Will my family be able to love a baby that is biologically not ours? Will my husband? Will I? Will be be able to get a baby? We can’t handle adopting an older child. We simply dont have the psychological skill. But the process here is so time consuming – it takes almost 2 years here. And by then the baby selected for us is 2 years old and has spent that time in an orphanage. There are a few other options here. There is no open adoption adn there are no adoption agencies. Adoption is not a socially accepted thing in this society. It is done quietly and almost shamefully. The only way to get a baby quickly here is to find a pregnant woman who wants to give up her baby and have her give it to you and then you file for the child to be formally adopted. But that is so fraught with danger – mostly that she will change her mind after you have bonded with the baby.
sometimes it seems so unfair that in order to adopt we have to be scrutinised and have complete strangers determine if we are worthy to be parents. But any 12 year old drug addicted child is allowed to get pregnant and become a parent – no homestudy required! sigh. I am just so frustrated some days.
Some days I feel a sense of peace at the idea of giving up the pursuit of this desire to be a mommy. And some days I firmly believe that God has some really great plan for us and we will turn up the parents of triplets or something amazing like that. I want to believe that the IVF will be wildly successful and we will end up with enough grade A embryos to freeze for our next pregnancy. And that we will end up with twins this go around. That somehow God will validate our suffering and make it all worthwhile in some obvious display of fecundity and patronage. What makes me believe this when so far it has not happened is beyond me. Where does this unending well-spring of hope come from? I don’t know. I guess I just believe that God is good and that He would not let us suffer like this for no reason and without some papable reward. I have to believe this if I am to go on.
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1 Comment »
May 24th, 2010 at 5:46 pm
Hi,
thanks for the blogs, I can completely feel what you are writing and going through, although my situation is a bit different from yours. I’m 31 and we have only been trying to get pregnant for a year. After 3 months we were pregnant, and the joy was just undescribable. But 3 days after the positive test it went already wrong, I had to be taken to hospital with a suspected ectopic pregnancy. It was never 100% sure, but the pregnancy ended there. Ever since we have been trying again, with no success and I also feel utterly low and beaten when I have my period again, after doing all we can every cycle. I have been tested on blocked tubes and they seemed fine, my partner has normal semen, so it should just happen by itself. ALL my friends were pregnant within a few months, most in the first month of trying and they all have babies now or a huge bump. Whenever I go out, I see babies and children; at the markets, shops, down the street.. I feel like you sometimes: why do even the simplest souls get pregnant so easy and we, who want it so much, not so far? I started of very positive and confident but every month that goes by seems to take some of it. Those pregnant friends of course tell me that I should just relax and not think about it (???!!! how do you do that?) and trust that it will happen (how do they know?). I am borderlining between tears and feeling powerless and optimistic and hoping it will happen next month. It does make me feel less of a ‘real woman’I have to admit, althogh I kn ow how silly this sounds and how untrue it is of course, morally. But there is a difference between argumentating intellectually and feeling deep down. We also though that if we would ever miss our contraception, we would fall pregnant accidentally, and it is difficult to come to terms with the fact that we actually aren’t.
Hope you have good news soon, I am thinking of you and can imagine you are feeling the strains much more than me, as you are older and trying longer.